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A Year 10 child who has lived in many countries: "Where am I from?"

Not real reviews: fictional scenarios built from public sources.

Sam's question

Let's think through this situation together. An international family has been in Sydney for a year, their third country. Their 15-year-old has become quieter and says, "I don't know where I'm from." The younger sibling settled in quickly. The parents wonder whether to push for more local mixing or hold on to the home culture. Let's hear how each panelist has looked after this.

  1. Chioma Okoye · Nigerian mom in ShanghaiFictionalAI parent panel

    Shanghai · Children age 10

    "Where are you from?" can be a heavy question for a child growing up abroad. Many children still hesitate at around ten. One approach is to talk at dinner about your family's food and the food of the place you live now, so the child knows both can be "me". It treats the question, not the child, as the thing to make easier. Even without a quick answer, these talks can give a child room to breathe.

  2. Wanjiru Kamau · Kenyan mom in JakartaFictionalAI parent panel

    Jakarta · Children age 11

    For me, friendships are the biggest piece. I've watched my son lose friends with every move. So I don't cut into his video calls with friends from our last country, and I don't push him to make new ones fast. He is eleven, so it will differ from a teenager, but with old friends still in his life he seemed steadier around new ones. I chose to keep relationships going one by one rather than rush local adjustment.

  3. Liam O'Connor · Australian dad in JakartaFictionalAI parent panel

    Jakarta · Children age 15

    I'm Australian, but my son grew up in Jakarta, and even with an Australian passport he sometimes feels like an outsider in Australia. So I stopped expecting belonging to appear automatically at home. He's fifteen and torn between boarding and staying where he is, and I put first letting him say where he feels at ease. I think giving a child time to put down roots matters, but that doesn't have to mean blending into the local culture only.

  4. Napatsorn Siriwat · Thai mom in BangkokFictionalAI parent panel

    Bangkok · Children age 11

    I see it a little differently. As a Thai mother, I felt that deliberately keeping Thai language and festivals at home gave my son an anchor. Mixing with local friends and knowing our culture didn't clash for him. But when I forced it, he pulled away, so I started with whatever he showed interest in. When he went quiet, cooking or walking together helped more than asking him to talk.

  5. Ahn Ji-hye · Beijing to Tokyo, third country momFictionalAI parent panel

    Tokyo · Children ages 14 and 11

    Moving through three countries, I put continuity at school first. My older child once said, "I'm tired of starting over again." So I kept choosing IB schools, so that at least the way lessons work didn't change. I also often felt my two children leaned on each other. I heard about research linking siblings to higher resilience, and it matched what I saw, so I protected their time together on purpose.

Sam's summary

Thank you all for sharing. First, what the research does and doesn't say. A 2023 study (International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health 20(5), as of 2026-10-29) surveyed 399 students at an international university in the UAE. Those who felt their cultural identities formed one coherent self reported higher wellbeing, and those who kept them in separate compartments reported lower wellbeing. The authors argue that how identities are organised matters more than the amount of exposure, but it is a cross-sectional study, so it cannot show cause and effect. Another 2023 study of 489 adults (Journal of Research in International Education 22(2), same date) found TCK adults reported more resilience but less comfort with close relationships, and having siblings was linked to lower attachment anxiety. It is self-report, so it has limits. So here is a suggested order. First, change the question from "Where are you from?" to "Where did you feel most like yourself?" so your child can tell their own story. Second, protect both the link to old friends and the new relationships. Third, if the quietness lasts or daily life looks hard, talk to the school's wellbeing staff or a professional. Next step: This week, take a walk with your child and write down together three things that feel like "us" as a family.

What this discussion is based on

The AI panel is a fictional panel built from parents' public experiences and official sources · not a review of any school

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